CrowdedHead's Xanga

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 20:51:55 GMT

Every memory of lookin out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I grew up in a small town. Not even a town really. Technically it was a village. The Village Of Delburne.

I spent my whole life there, from the age of six months to just shy of eighteen, after I graduated from high school. I think some people assume I moved out right away to get away from my parents. But that wasn't it at all.

I needed to get away from that horrible little town's evil clutches. You might think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I don't think it was a conscious decision on my part at the time, but looking back I'm pretty sure my sub-conscious was screaming at me to leave before it was too late. So I did.

People talk about "small town living" and how great it must be. I hate to generalize, so if you live in a fantastic little place with perfect little picket fences around perfect little houses with perfect little families inside them then I'm thrilled for you... but, and here goes the generalizing, small town living is not all it's cracked up to be.

Smalltown school of five hundred kids total from kindergarten to grade twelve. Smalltown jobs (one high school summer I was a youth group co-ordinator, the next summer I was a museum tour guide). Smalltown cafe complete with "regulars" and waitresses who always knew you.

Sounds idyllic, huh?

Not so much.

Appearances can be sooooo deceiving.

I ran into a very old friend today that I hadn't seen in years. We played together twice a week from the time we were pre-schoolers. Her son, unbeknownst to me until this morning, is on the same hockey team as my son. So we got laughing and doing a bit of reminscing. I told her how a few weeks ago when the team had a game out in Delburne and my husband asked if I wanted to go my first thought was "Why the hell would I want to go back there?" She laughed and agreed.

The last time I was in Delburne was five years ago when we were packing up my parents old place because they too had decided it was time to move. Mom and I went into town to get some stuff for lunch. That was the last time I set foot in that place. And I only live about twenty minutes away.

So Crystal makes a slightly offhand comment about "swingers", and after a curious, and incredulous, look from me, she explains to me that she was there awhile back visiting family, and was invited to a party by someone our age. She said that sure, maybe she would drop by later with her son so she could see everyone. She got a strange look and a reply of "Uhhh, you wouldn't want to bring him. We'll be... doing... stuff. You know. With... each other."

Whaaaaaaat? Then she went on to tell me that a guy we both used to know, who is married to someone else we used to know, and is thirty five, got her eighteen year old cousin pregnant last year during one of these... uh... parties, and she is due soon.

And that's just the beginning of all the soap opera stories. I'm sure we could sit together for hours and exchange utterances of "Really?" "What?" "Who?" "Are you serious?" "She whaaaaaat?" "EWWWWWWWW!"

I have known for a long time about the drugs that run rampant in that town, and I knew lots of people were wackos, but jesus christ on a skateboard... SWINGERS??? I USED TO BE FRIENDS WITH THESE PEOPLE!

Really. People I used to talk to. Hang out with. Drive around with. Share a drink with. This is not a mental image I want to have.

Excuse me while I go scrub my brain with bleach.

Every memory of walkin out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was lookin for
It's hard to say it
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do, it makes me laugh
Every time I do, it makes me.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 16:29:18 GMT

Seems I got to have a change in scene, 'cause every night I have the strangest dreams.

Deja vu.

I mean, seriously... what's with all the end-of-the-world type dreams?

The night before last I had this odd series of natural disaster based dreams. I can't really say they were nightmares, or even that they were bad dreams, because I didn't feel scared or anything.

My best friend and I went through a tornado, a tsunami (which totally should have scared me because I so don't swim - like, at ALL), a forest fire, a hurricane, and last but not least an earth shattering quake.

I would dream of one, and then as it faded out it seemed like there was a several minute break until the next one would start. Like some inept projector operator was having a hard time changing the reels in my dream theatre.

Anyway, the earthquake was the last one and we were in some little restaurant on the ground floor of a skyscraper and things started out with just a little quiver and some bottles falling off the shelves in the bar area. Then just as we started to relax things started to shake again and everything was coming off the walls and we were on the floor and we just *knew* that the whole fifty stories up above us were going to come crashing down on top of us and yet there we lay on the floor carrying on what is a normal conversation for us!

I woke up just as the building started to come down.

All I can say is "What..?"

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 04:38:26 GMT

Seems I got to have a change in scene, ’cause every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way things used to be, yeah, left here on my own or so it seems
I got to leave before I start to scream, ’cause somebody locked the door and took the key

Feelin’ alright? I’m not feelin’ too good myself.

I dream a lot. And unlike a lot of people, I usually remember most of them, if not as a whole then at least in large pieces. And among my many dreams are some very strange ones, often recurring. Last night's was a doozy, but also very nostalgic.

We, and by 'we' I mean me and my friend Craig, were in the midst of some bizarre war zone. Not in an actual war with bombs and helicopters and dudes in camo, but what seemed more like a street war. People running other people down with cars, knife attacks, large objects thrown through windows. And it would suddenly seem to get back to normal and we'd be sitting there having breakfast (odd in itself because I don't really eat breakfast as a general rule) in some cafe when suddenly the war would start back up again.

At one point Craig and I were looking for someone, standing on the side of a highway. I shaded my eyes from the sun and pointed, saying "Oh, here she comes", and this woman, whoever she was, was walking toward us across the road... when suddenly she is hit by a large vehicle and splattered in chunks and pieces all over the highway in graphic and vivid detail... I freaked and immediately started to throw up and Craig was standing beside me holding my hair back (throwback to our drinking days, I guess?) and then just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped again, and we were back inside finishing our breakfast.

The dream seemed to go on for hours and hours, but that's the gist of it. I have absolutely no idea what it all meant, if anything.

And while the subject matter was strange and scary, it was also comforting to 'see' Craig again. I think that's even more bizarre than the dream itself.

He's one of the people I really and truly miss from my "old" life. The last time I saw him was six years ago, while I was still pregnant with my daughter. We emailed a couple times a few years ago after he tracked me down on GradFinder and contacted me. But then we lost touch again.

I hate that.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 07:04:40 GMT

"Everyone and everything has to poop sometimes" - Bear In The Big Blue House

Poop can be funny. I used to be a full time nanny, so between eight years of that and having my own two kids, I have plenty of poop stories.

One day I was at work and the grandma came over to visit. One of the little boys, being about three at the time, called her into the bathroom to do the wiping duties. As he hopped off the toilet, he turned around and started to reach into the toilet. His grandma said "Brady! You can't touch poop! It's got germs in it!"

Brady leaned over to take a closer look, and then, looking perplexed, said "I don't see any germs! Just some corn!"

Oddly enough, as he got older Brady was rather grossed out by poop, including his own. He was already five and still refusing to wipe his own ass! Finally one day I told him that he was a big boy and should learn to do it himself. He stared at me, completely horrified, and asked "WHY???" I asked him why he couldn't do it himself and he replied "Because it grosses me out!"

I paused and then said "Well don't you think it grosses me out too?!" He looked surprised, and thoughtful, then nodded and took the toilet paper. Whew!

The family I had worked for previously had a little boy named Kyle. He was around four and also still needed help with the wiping duties. He disappeared into the bathroom upstairs one day. He was in there for about ten minutes and I called up to him "Are you done?" "No!" I waited another five minutes and still no call for help. "Kyle! Are you finished?" "No!" "Another five minutes passed and I was starting to get worried, so I called up the stairs again. "Kyle! Aren't you done yet??" Clearly annoyed with me he yelled back "NO! One of my poops is RESTING!"

I laughed for about ten minutes.

I have many more poop stories, but I will share them another day perhaps.

And totally not on the subject of poop, I ended up with way better tickets for the Aerosmith show. On the floor near the catwalk again!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 16:56:04 GMT

Young lust, honey now ain't it a bitch? Sometimes you gotta scratch that itch. So what ya gonna do about it?

I'm going to see Aerosmith again this April and I really hope they do that song. It's my favorite. (Notice me trying to contain my excitement.)

I have been neglecting my blog lately because I've had so many little things on the go that every time I sat down to write I would think "But what is there to write about?"

I've been working on my secret-ish project. Whether it succeeds or not, I've already made a nice chunk of change off it, so it hasn't been wasted time.

I've also been attempting to re-organize my house when I'm not working on the project. I'm fairly organized to begin with, but with the new influx of toys from Christmas it was driving me crazy not having anywhere to put them. I finally broke down and bought some drawer/shelving units to put in the playroom, so now I just have to actually put stuff in them.

I spent all last Saturday at my brother's. He wanted to stage a Christmas dinner do-over, since he and his wife and one of the kids were sick on Christmas Day.

Flashback:

We all showed up at their place Christmas morning and my sister (in law) answered the door and told me they were all throwing up. So I had my hand over my mouth and nose going around their house gathering up gifts. Then the rest of us turned around and went back to mom and dad's (where we all immediately washed our hands thoroughly), so my brother and sister in law and their kids missed Christmas with us. So we had a do-over last Saturday.

We took the kids skating while I was there. They live in a tiny little village of like two hundred people, and yet they have an indoor ice rink. They leave the building open all day and evening so people can come and go as they please.

Then when we were done skating I realized I'd lost my keys. Shit. And my husband was at work an hour away. I knew he'd be pissed for like a week if he had to come all the way out to give me keys.

My brother and I walked back and forth between the arena and the house looking for them, then our other brother also joined us in the search and we did the circuit twice with no luck. And by that time I was starting to panic.

When my mom and dad got there my mom called roadside assistance and said she was with me and that I'd locked my keys in the van, so I could at least look and see if they were in there. Sure enough, there they were on the passenger seat underneath some papers, thank goodness. I must have set them there when I went to get my nephew my spare pair of gloves because he lost his.

So then we had our do-over dinner. It almost wasn't, because just as we were setting the last of the food on the table my two year old niece came dashing by, grabbed a corner of the tablecloth, and yanked. Luckily the dishes were heavy enough that they only slid a little.

Afterward she got put in the bathtub. I went in to check on her and caught her eating the bubbles from the bubblebath. Ew. Didn't seem to phase her either. Little freak.

Then on Sunday I dodged volunteer casino duty. The minor hockey commission has to do a volunteer shift at one of the local casinos every year and I got tricked into saying yes. Which is a long story that I won't bother with except to say that I managed to get out of it. It cost me a new CD/mp3 player for my husband's car, but it was worth it not to have to subject my headache and oncoming cold to eight hours in a loud, smoky casino.

See, I should really make more individual short posts as opposed to waiting a week or two in between and making occasional long ones.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 16:05:55 GMT

Sometimes the system goes on the blink, and the whole thing turns out wrong. You had a bad day, you're takin one down.

I'm so... something... right now that I could just scream.

I really hate when I can't figure stuff out. I've been working on a project for a few weeks now, and things were going ok, but then something in my system (computer crap) decided to go all wacko on me out of the blue, for no reason of course, and it's making it impossible to finish my project which I have less than a week to do.

I have spent the last four days trying to figure it out, pulling wires, downloading stuff, re-installing programs, buying new hardware, going through each little part of my settings about a dozen times, and I'm getting NOWHERE.

One day everything worked, the next day it didn't. What. The. FUCK.

And it's not even that it crapped out on me that pisses me off so bad. I mean, if something crapped out and I knew what it was and it was just a matter of going in and fixing it, or calling someone else to come fix it, hey not a big deal.

It's the fact that it crapped out and I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS that is making me scream.

If I knew what the problem was it wouldn't be so bad. It's having to spend so much time going through trial and error fixes that don't work that's really really really bringing me close... to just... SNAPPING.

Well. Back to it.

Gah.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 15:10:23 GMT

Ah, caught you smilin at me. That's the way it should be. Like a leaf is to a tree, so fine. Ah, all the good times we had. I sang love songs so glad. Always smilin, never sad, so fine.

Ok, so the new year is already nine days in. I have yet to do my usual "highlights/lowlights" reflection online anywhere, which is odd for me, but ah well.

So I'm gonna get right to it.

Highlights:

New York City. If you expected anything else, you haven't been paying attention. Hanging out with my best friend for three days, in what I would believe to be one of the coolest cities in the world, was THE highlight of my 2005.

Also getting to spend a little time there with a couple of my other closest friends.

Finally visiting Ellis Island, which my family has talked about for practically ever. It was way cooler than I even expected it to be.

Being offered a shot at a really cool job (which is what's been keeping me so busy these last couple months). 2006 will see the project either crash and burn, or take off and fly. Either way, I'm glad to have been given the opportunity to try my hand at it.

Lowlights:

Coming home from spending three days with my best friend.

Changes:

Not really my change, per se, but my husband left the company he'd been with for eight years, which was sort of scary at first.

My eyebrows. Heh. I was freaked out at first by how narrow I'd made them, but now looking back I think they look so much better. (Funny little aside about how little my husband notices things sometimes... it was back in July that I first changed them so dramatically. Three weeks ago we're eating dinner and Mike looks up at me. Looks down. Looks back up again, major doubletake, and says "Did you do something to your eyebrows??" *eyeroll*)

Getting up early every morning. I used to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00 because playschool and kindergarten were afternoons only. When Kyler started grade one this fall I had to start getting up around 6:30 or 7:00. I thought I'd have a really hard time going back to that, but I haven't done too badly.

New experiences:

Got on a plane for the first time. I can't list that in highlights because of the fact that I got so sick during one leg of the trip. Bleccch.

Saw the ocean for the first time.

That about does it for me for today!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Tue, 27 Dec 2005 06:00:56 GMT

Turn out the lights, the party's over.

That lyric does double duty tonight. First, the final night of Monday Night Football on ABC. I don't understand why the Monday game is moving to ESPN next year and the 'showcase' game of the week will now be on Sundays on NBC. I don't like when the powers that be mess with tradition. t'ain't right.

Also... Christmas is finished. Now get the hell out of my house!

I spend all year looking forward to the Christmas season. I love the build-up and the hoopla and the shopping for my loved ones, trying to find that perfect gift. I sometimes like to give unexpected, or off the wall stuff, but with meaning.

Like, not off the wall as in edible panties or a singing fish or a chia pet. Just off the wall like the year I gave my adult brother a children's book. It was a special edition of his favorite book by our favorite childrens' author, one I used to read to him all the time when we were kids. Or this year when I bought my non-TV-watching dad a DVD player and a DVD. Why would I do that? Because when I was a little kid one of the two shows, other than Saturday morning cartoons, that he would watch was The Muppet Show. We watched it together every Sunday night. So I bought him the season one disc.

But I digress. Back to my love of Christmas...

I love the planning and the pre-holiday get togethers, and my most favorite part is Christmas Eve every other year. Only every other because we have to trade off between my family and my husband's, so they have to be alternated and one family gets Christmas Day and one family gets Christmas Eve. I prefer Christmas Eve with my own family because we always play a game that makes us laugh, whether it's cards or a board game, and we always watch a movie while we wrap last minute gifts; usually Christmas Vacation. Then we get to spend the night and open gifts together on Christmas morning before I have to come home and prepare for the rest of the day with Mike's family.

This wasn't one of my family's Christmas Eve years, but that didn't much diminish my excitement for Christmas morning to come so I could see my family open the gifts I'd put so much effort into choosing.

Plus I actually had a good time with Mike's family on Christmas Eve and my bitch in law managed not to be a bitch, and her kids managed not to be smarmy little brats and everyone got along really well with no eyerolls behind backs or tsks of discontent or pouty people sitting in the chair in the corner.

But after two full days of family togetherness, one with his (at my house) and one with mine, I am always more than ready to be left alone for a couple of days to try and put my house back to rights and just enjoy the relative silence of having twelve less people talking over top of each other all at once. This is a bit of a tradition with me.

So when, last night, my husband decided to invite his brother and his brother's boyfriend over to watch a movie at nine p.m., I was beyond peeved. Hence the choice of lyrics for tonight's entry. All I wanted to do by the time we got home from my parents' place was sort through the kids' gifts and then sit down and have some nice quiet Christmas chat with a good friend. But noooooo. It didn't go that way.

By the time the movie (Mr. and Mrs. Smith - entertaining flick if you overlook the fact that I was irritated) was over and the post-show chit chat had started, all I really wanted to say was "I love you guys, but I'm tired of people, now shut up and get the hell out."

Let's do it again next year, but next time, don't fuck with my tradition, mmm k?

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 07:11:02 GMT

"This article says that many people find Christmas to be the most stressful time of year."

"I believe it. This season sure fills me with stress."

"Really? How come?"

"I hate being good..."

When I was ten or eleven I peeked at my Christmas gifts a few weeks prior to the big day. I'd discovered the hiding spot and one day when my mom was out, I methodically peeled up the tape on each gift and looked to see what was inside.

That Christmas morning sucked so bad. I had very few surprises because I'd already seen most of it. I never EVER did anything like that again. All the gifts could have been put out on December 1st just to taunt me and I would have steered clear of them.

It's still fun to try and 'guess', but I wouldn't want to know for sure, or be told by the giver prior to the actual opening of the gift.

A friend told me yesterday that a package was on its way to me and should be here by Tuesday. I am dying to know what it is, but thank goodness he was secretive and didn't just spill and tell me when I jokingly said "Ooh, what is it?"

I sent something to another friend yesterday and tonight we ended up playing a bastardized version of twenty questions while he tried to guess what it is.

I may or may not have lied when giving some of the answers. Heh.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 17:35:36 GMT

I'm gonna have a good time tonight, rock and roll music gonna play all night, come on baby it won't take long, only take a minute just to sing my song.

Hi, my name is J and I'm a concert addict.

I won't even begin to list the shows I've seen so far. Not as many as some people, mostly because of where I live (which is not close enough to Vancouver or Toronto) but a fair amount, all things considered. Probably the biggest thus far was Aerosmith, which was made all the more huge and amazing by the fact that we ended up right at the catwalk and got to touch Steve Tyler and Joe Perry.

But I digress.

I went to get Motley Crue tickets this morning, even though I just saw them last spring. My friend missed the show due to having some life-saving surgery planned, blah blah, whatever. So anyway, she was really disappointed about having to miss the Crue last time around, and when we heard last week that they were coming HERE to our little medium sized city for some reason... well of course she knew she HAD to go. So I, being the good friend that I am, was more than willing to go again. You know, just for her sake. Otherwise I would never see a band more than once on the same tour. (Ok, you can quit laughing now.)

Anyway, we get there and we get the stupid wristbands (most retarded idea ever) and we wait in line. Meanwhile we've got Steve on the phone looking online too. Ended up that for all our trouble and going out in the cold and snow early in the morning, it was him that ended up getting us our seats. So that's all said and done and Bobbi's happy, and, well you know, so am I. But only because she's happy. Honest.

And I'm driving home, and the DJs on my favorite station are talking about the sale and how big this show is, especially for our city, and then they go...

"AND.... we have another huuuuuge concert announcement coming. I mean... massive! HUGE! But we can't tell you yet. Not til Monday."

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! I hate when they do that!

I've tried googling all sorts of bands and tours and dates for the major cities here and I'm getting nothing.

All I can say is that it BETTER be Bon Jovi.

Updated Dec 5 - Ok, so it's not Bon Jovi. I'd said to a friend in conversation that I'd also be happy if it was Nickelback...

..I'm happy. January 22nd. It'll be my third time seeing them.

Ok, that's all for now.