"Everyone and everything has to poop sometimes" - Bear In The Big Blue House

Poop can be funny.  I used to be a full time nanny, so between eight years of that and having my own two kids, I have plenty of poop stories.

One day I was at work and the grandma came over to visit.  One of the little boys, being about three at the time, called her into the bathroom to do the wiping duties.  As he hopped off the toilet, he turned around and started to reach into the toilet.  His grandma said "Brady!  You can't touch poop!  It's got germs in it!"

Brady leaned over to take a closer look, and then, looking perplexed, said "I don't see any germs!  Just some corn!"

Oddly enough, as he got older Brady was rather grossed out by poop, including his own.  He was already five and still refusing to wipe his own ass!  Finally one day I told him that he was a big boy and should learn to do it himself.  He stared at me, completely horrified, and asked "WHY???"  I asked him why he couldn't do it himself and he replied "Because it grosses me out!" 

I paused and then said "Well don't you think it grosses me out too?!"  He looked surprised, and thoughtful, then nodded and took the toilet paper.  Whew!

The family I had worked for previously had a little boy named Kyle.  He was around four and also still needed help with the wiping duties.  He disappeared into the bathroom upstairs one day.  He was in there for about ten minutes and I called up to him "Are you done?"  "No!"  I waited another five minutes and still no call for help.  "Kyle!  Are you finished?"  "No!"  "Another five minutes passed and I was starting to get worried, so I called up the stairs again.  "Kyle!  Aren't you done yet??"  Clearly annoyed with me he yelled back "NO!  One of my poops is RESTING!" 

I laughed for about ten minutes.

I have many more poop stories, but I will share them another day perhaps.

And totally not on the subject of poop, I ended up with way better tickets for the Aerosmith show.  On the floor near the catwalk again!